The abuser. Well, of course we should blame the abuser. They take their problems out on people who do not deserve it... especially in cases of domestic violence.
(For my argument the abuser is the husband)
If an angry man comes home and hits his wife for no reason there is nothing she can do about it. She is the victim. But, then again, maybe she is at fault. Maybe there is something she can do about it.
When thinking or talking about domestic violence cases, the blame automatically goes straight to the abuser, but what about the victim? Many people don't realize that the victim is still part of the situation. She is the one who is in the position. Many people say that it is too hard to get out... that it isn't as easy as it seems for the wife to get out of an abusive situation. But, in many cases, it is the wife that makes it hard. The victims are don't make the move. They either think that the abuse will get worse... or just can't picture their lives without the other person in it.
They are afraid.
Change. Change is something that people can't seem to grasp quickly. It is scary. What if my life isn't as good as it was before? Or.. What if my life is even better than it was before? Sometimes, people are so used to their bad lives, that they are afraid of having good ones. In The Glass Castle, the mother claimed that she liked her life- that she loved the adventure of it. Somehow, though, I just don't know if I buy that. I think that she was just too afraid to change her life.
Embarrassment. Being embarrassed is one of the worst fears of life. Being laughed at, or pointed at... being ridiculed or just being stared at- it is something that everyone fears. In recent studies, woman who were being abused by their husbands don't do anything about it because they are too embarrassed. They are embarrassed that they have let themselves fall this low- or that they have not done anything about it sooner.
Children. Many times adults think that by separating or divorcing that it will be worse for the children... So, do they think that yelling and screaming is good for them?? Do they think that watching physical violence inside their house is teaching them a good lesson?? If the abuser is too unstable to realize this, then the victim has to. If a wife is being abused then she needs to realize that something needs to be done to get the children out of this environment.
Clearly, the mother in The Glass Castle suffered from depression that altered her ability to feel some of these emotions or symptoms. However, she should have had the strength, at least for her children, to get out. She knew that Rex Walls was not going to get help and was not going to be able to fix himself, yet she still tricked herself into believing he would, or pretending that she didn't care and it didn't affect her.
I have some sympathy for her and her life. But, she should have had the audacity to take some responsibility for, if not her own life, then the lives of her children. She should have gotten help. She should have realized her problem and faced it with everything she has.
I hope that is what I would do. But then again, I am not the one in this situation.
2 comments:
I agree with your idea comment that the mother could have controlled her situation, and just left the abusive home she and her children were living in. I know, it takes a lot, that there's a ton of emotional strain that must go into it, but if she really really cared, I think she would have left her husband, even just long enough to get some clarity on the situation. The mother claims to be an independent woman, yet she is continually backing down to her husbanc, and it gets almost frustrating at points.
I'm not sure if I agree with the statement that the mother and all women in abusive situations have the power and the stregnth to leave the relationship. Yes, they SHOULD have the power and they do have the choice, but I don't think it's that easy. Hopefully, none of us have been in this situation, but I would imagine that it is a much more complicated and intricate attachment that prevents someone from being able to walk away so easily. I do agree, however, with all of the reasons that you listed for women being afraid to leave a relationship. I think that embarassment and fear of success are two of the most insightful and overlooked reasons for women not leaving. It is easy to observe a situation as a bystander and see how obvious the solution is, believing that we know all the angles of the problem, but there are so many factors involved that it is impossible for us to blame someone for not behaving in what we, as an onlooker, know to be the best way.
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